8:36 pm - 17 June 2004
rooney, accents, and stupid people complaining
England have just beated switzerland 3-0. wayne rooney has become the youngest ever scorer at a European Championships. i was doing ok until Super Steven Gerrard scored the 3rd - i had England to win 2-0 on my work sweepstake. bastards. to be honest it DID flatter them, Switzerland played really well. however, with 2 goals - the first of which puts him in the record books - today we salute Wayne Rooney, aged just 18. doesn't that make you feel old? well, it won't if you're 15 but it will if you're 21 like me and haven't really done much. here is what the boy looks like:
what is the best accent? i've been thinking about this. to a lot of foreign people, the different regional accents of the UK all sound the same. or similar. but they're not. i mean, the Geordies (Newcastle) sound like they're talking their own language. "what's gannen an leek?" is Geordie for "what is happening?". i shit you not. my father's fellow Scousers (Liverpool) seem to begin every sentence with "ey" and have a lot of mucus. the Mancs (Manchester) don't sound that much different, they seem to speak proper english but with slightly different pronunciation, like "fook" instead of "fuck", and they say "man" a lot. "thats fookin' appallin', man." yesterday i was in Somerset (they pronounce it "somerSAT") where they're all farmers. London you got your cock-a-ney geezas "allah mate, woss gah'n on? you SHLAYG!" and all that. essex is a bit like that, "we was 'avin' a larf, me un cawtnay". i come from the home counties, where we don't have an accent. its how English is supposed to sound (copyright Jimmy Carr). actually, i don't come from the home counties, i come from essex but i've always lived in the home counties.
but the best regional accent has got to go to the midlands. for those of you who are unaware of the brummie accent, if you made Ozzy a bit less slurred you'd have it. he's a brummie. "awroight muyt, oi'm from buhrminum" and that. people from the midlands, Treeson salutes you. one of our customers is in birmingham and they're so funny when they answer the phone: "allo em-juy-suuuuy" (MGC). its great.
last night i had the weirdest dream ever. i've been talking to a few diaryland people via email recently and had a dream that they came to London and i was a tour guide with a tabbard. what the crap is that about? A TABBARD?!?
i've been exchanging a few emails with jesbohn recently, and one subject has been people complaining about things she's written.
you. dumb. bastards.
i'm not going to write 1000 words licking her ass because thats just plain wrong. but these people really are stupid. the idea of sites such as Diaryland is that you can express an opinion without some fuckwit goth complaining about it. or not. its like when people phone up Channel 4 to complain about something they've watched. you stupid people, copy me. if i put the telly on and don't like whats on, i turn it off and go play scrabble. about 18 months ago there was a programme entitled "pornography: the musical". biggest pile of shite ever, it really was. only saw a few minutes, Princess Inkysoso wouldn't let me watch any more because it was shit (she gets the idea). anyway, before the programme there was a warning saying "this programme contains content of a sexual nature." no shit, would never have thought it with a title like that, would you. anyway, the programme had a record number of complaints... for its sexual content. ITS CALLED "PORNOGRAPHY THE MUSICAL" YOU FUCKING RETARDS, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? SUMMER NIGHTS? FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD? WHIP-CRACK-AWAY, WHIP-CRACK-AWAY, WHIP-CRACK-AWAY? points again, people, if you know those three musicals.
another thing that gets on my tits is the situations with speed cameras and traffic wardens. at the risk of being insulted, i have full support and respect for these things. i'm not a goody-goody, i DO speed and i HAVE had a parking ticket before. but if i get caught for speeding, its not because i'm being victimised. its because i was driving over the speed limit. my parking ticket was for parking on a yellow line, which i knew was worthy of a ticket. my bad for thinking it was only mon-fri 8-6:30 rather than saturdays too, but i should've read the sign i was parked next to. its these people who drive their mercs & beemers (sorry to generalise but its true) who can afford the tickets but worm their way out of it, like one of these fuckers who got his ticket rescinded because the traffic warden wasn't wearing a hat, and was therefore not in full uniform, and therefore did not have the authority to give the ticket. the person who did that was a fucking cunt, all of you are. you can drive a �60,000+ car that drinks petrol like lemonade, but you'll do what you can to avoid a FORTY QUID parking ticket. there are parking restrictions and speed limits for a reason, and that reason is not for you to ignore them.
this brings me on to another subject: motorway driving. why do you fuckers feel the need to sit right on my fucking bumper at 80mph? does it make you feel big, to sit dangerously close to a crappy little skoda whilst flashing your headlights at me? you people are selfish twats. if i tap my brakes and you go into the back of my car, writing both cars off, its nothing to you. you can go out and get another car - if you can afford a merc, you can afford to replace it. but that car is my most expensive possession at just �1500 and is the only way i can get to work or out on site for work; the only real way i can get to see Inkers. i can't just go out and spunk my money on a replacement just like that.
thank you very much, mercedes and bmw drivers. you have wound me up this evening because you're wankers.
everyone else, i love you. have a day off. i apologise for the swearing, don't blame me blame the mercedes & bmw drivers.
the not best pleased Treeson
