8:10 am - 06 July 2004
why am i not up to the job?
am i in the right job? every day, i go in and rather than enhance my reputation for brilliance, i balls up and damage it. occassionally i show flashes of brilliance, like the bodge i did on a server last week, but mostly i make mistakes. it was excuseable for the first month, six weeks, say, because i was new to the job and settling in. but i've been there nearly 6 months now and if anything the mistakes are getting worse. maybe the job for me is back at the last place, at least i knew what i was doing, even if i didnt like it. people say to me, "you've been at this place for 6 months now, any sign of a pay rise?" and i think i know the reasons why not: the constant mistakes. its just not normal.
what i dont think my bosses realise is that when i make mistakes (thats when, not if), i don't need them to be pointed out because i know what they are. every now & then they'll say "dont worry. that happened yesterday, its ok now, its a new day, get on with your job." but they shouldn't happen at all, should they, at this stage of my employment. the only thing i do right is that when i go on site i've never had to phone back to base for directions, unlike B the Intrepid Explorer ("i cant find the customer" "according to this map, B, you're 16 miles in the wrong direction. thats why.").
at least its my friday today, in 10hrs when i'm back home it'll be the weekend. thats approx. 7pm in central europe, 6pm here, 11am in colorado, and 10am in LA. i think. is that mountain time and pacific time? i dont know. need confirmation on that.
laters.
Treeson. not the engineer people think he is. unless they think he's a shit engineer, in which case he IS the engineer they think he is.
