10:27 am - 18 June 2006
its been a while...
well. its certainly been a while. not entirely sure what has compelled me to put an entry in but what the huzzell. and i dont think anyone will even read it anyway, its normally random shiznit anyway.
so. lemme think. whats happening in the world of Treeson. well, last night i went to the best gig i have ever been to in my short life - Foo Fighters at Hyde Park. it was amazing. me and my boys had paid an extra tenner a ticket for the golden circle, it was well worth it. uncle dave is actually 7 inches tall. no word of a lie. ooh, and before that it was my birthday on wednesday, i have now reached the ripe ol' age of 23.
how has my life changed since i turned 22. well. from a work perspective i've gone from being a noob on-site engineer to a top dawg on-site engineer, and am apparently an expert now. this comes with an extra pay rise, i'm now earning �6000 a year more than i was in may 2005 which can't be bad. as part of the learning process i accidentally lost 9 months worth of work for a customer in august last year, and this week managed a momentous thingy of actually speaking to said customer on a technical call. i dont think he knew who i was though. one day i'll be able to go there. but not yet.
i've also bought a new big telly. thats quite momentous. i got it from work, paid for it with overtime - finished paying it at the end of may so woo.
the biggest thing that has happened to me is being pretty much dumped on valentines day after 4 years and with no warning. i cant really describe how it feels, at 7pm you get a message saying "come on over beefcake xx" but at 9pm you're sitting in a corner on your own crying like a baby. its 4 months now, but every time i think "ah, i'm over her, i'm better off without her" i think "actually, no i'm not." i've been trying to get over her, asked a couple of girls out with the expected answer. usually a bit of a mumble followed by "errr, i'm with someone at the moment" or "i don't really want a boyfriend at the moment." to be honest, nobody can compare to her anyway, she was the best. 4 years ago i was so happy, all we ever did was laugh. its a bit of a comedown when someone has spent 4 years telling you they love you, then tells you one night that they'd rather be alone. big hefty kick in the balls, but not as big and hefty as "enjoying the single life". well at least one of us is.
its sort of better with time, the first weekend was the worst - all my friends were unavailable for various reasons, my family were all out, i was on my own. spent an entire day just pacing, unable to eat. lost nearly a stone on the dumped diet, had just about put it on again when i had a relapse and lost it again. think i'm having a relapse this weekend as well. hardly a minute goes by when i dont think about her, about the good times, about the things i did wrong (and there were many). you know who your friends are. they're the ones who say "Treeson, you're pretending you're alright but you're clearly not. whatsamatta?" and then don't accept "nothing, i'm fine" as an answer. inksoso can high five that, she knows what i'm like. its weird though. i'm a completely different person to 5 months ago. 5 months ago i was happy, in fact that day i was driving down to hers and thought "i'm so happy with life at the moment, everything's coming together" - i had a job interview the following day that was really close to her so i'd've been able to see my Soso more. i was offered the job in the end but turned it down, mostly because there's no point in getting a job to be near a girlfriend who then dumps you, but also they were too geeky for my style.
i want her back. i dont care what the conditions are. i want to go back to the early days, walking round the park eating greggs (chargrilled chicken oval bite and belgian bun for me thankyouverymuch) and walking round brent cross. the first holiday we had together in bexhill on sea. i want to take her to brighton for a day trip or a weekend (romantic, eh). i want to cook her dinner. i want to light the candles in her room and avoid burning myself. i want to go to sleep hugging her, and wake up to spoon her while she's asleep, only for her to wake up and whisper "cup of tea would be nice" in my ear. i want her to call me treeson and all the other nicknames. i want to tell her to stop touching my bastard ears but secretly i like it really (O and T don't have the same ear touch). i want to tell her to stop tickling me on the basis that i'm really ticklish. and no, i didn't secretly like that, i am genuinely ticklish. i want to take her to the cherry tree for a meal. i want to be accosted by the dogs when i walk through the door. actually, i'm not sure about the last one. i want us to play monopoly because its pissing with rain outside. i want her to talk to me in my sleep in her usualy style which could possibly be classed as bullying. i want us to not finish watching a film like the olden days. i suppose we both changed over 4 years, but i've changed more in the last 4 months and i dont like it. ok, i'm fitter and healthier because of plenty gym action, i'm a lot cleaner (shower most evenings now, clean the toilets and my room every weekend), but i'm not happy in any way shape or form. to be honest, i knew it was over on valentines night, and every now and then it just gets reconfirmed, firstly paying me back some money she owed me, then sending my old stuff back because i hadn't picked it up, telling me she's enjoying the single life. all the last 4 months have done is made me realise how much i love her.
fucking hell.
