9:08 pm - 14 May 2004
schoolfriends
i was thinking today. which doesnt happen much. i'd been reading undecidedme's diary, where they said that its yearbook time but they aren't that fussed about seeing anyone in the future. and i'm the same.
when i was at school all those many (five) years ago, i paid my 50p for a yearbook - it was possibly the shittest yearbook ever. paperback, black & white, load of bollocks. i don't know about other peoples schools/school years but for us, there was a yearbook committee, which was supposed to represent a fair share of the opinions of the year. only it didnt. it was the same group of friends, who just happened to be in different form groups, who voted themselves into it. "we want to do it. so we're going to." as such, it had what they wanted to have in it.
highlights included "most likely to..." which had the obvious in-jokes, like one person was the most likely to be a bin man. last i heard he was working in the smoke, not doing to bad for himself. things like that. another was - i shit you not - an alternative eastenders cast list. i was ian beale. this may make some of you chuckle, it may not. it means nothing to me because i wasn't one of the (very few) people in our year who watched the fucking program, and i still dont. although i have no problems with princess leia watching it.
i remember thinking at the time how great everyone was, how shit other people were, and shit like that. but hindsight is a wonderful thing, and makes me realise that so many people i went to school with were utter cunts. there is no better word for them than that. i have only spoken to about 3 people from school since i left. one of them went to college with me, one was a friend but we lost touch, and another is now a barman at my local bowling alley. he was pleased to see me & i was pleased to see him, he's a top geeza (as he would put it) and should be doing a lot better than bar work.
every now and then, i look at friends reunited to see what people are up to. some surprise me, most don't. but out of all the people on there, there is not one person that i think, "y'know what? i might make contact with them." not one. is that right? i mean, school is supposed to be the best time of your life. but for me i dont think it was.
at both levels of schooling (primary and secondary) i was bullied. primary more than secondary. i had the piss taken out of me for every aspect of my life, whether it was my fault or not. in one lesson, some little bitch ass motherfucker decided to take everything out my bag, turn it inside out, and put potato into it. i watched him do this, said (probably too loudly) "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU RETARDED LITTLE CUNT?" to which other people then started going "ooh, teacher dude, send him out. expell him." etc. full credit to teacher dude, she didnt. she asked me what was going on, i told her, and she asked the other person to stop it. surely he should've been given a bollocking etc, but no. "please dont do that." great one.
you may wonder why it happened to me. and the reason for that was that i'm not a violent person, i used to tell people to fuck off and if that didn't work i'd tell the teacher. because it's funneh to watch people being victimised, there are suddenly 100 alibis against me. whats the point.
i then think about my time at college. the only things i disliked about college were travelling there and a lack of organisation for certain people. its amazing how different the student attitudes is when they are treated differently by teachers - everyone is equal, although some people are more equal than others (the tutors mostly). the attitude is a lot more adult than at school, and i think i was more prepared for work after a few years at college than when i'd been at school, where it is master-slave, no respect.
what am i talking about? where is this leading? if i'm honest, i have no idea whatsoever. maybe its the idea of hindsight. i'm a lot different now than i was 5 years ago, although Princess Leia may still think i'm too childish. really, i have too many regrets in life, although i dont think anyone should have any because whats done is done. but there's so many things i've done that i wish i hadn't and so many things i didn't do but wish i had. like telling laydeez i liked that i liked them instead of wimping out. i told Princess Leia i liked her (i think my chat-up line was "you're well fit") and that has worked out well. in fact, if i'd done one thing that i didnt, then i would never have met her. it is something that defines peoples lives, and i think although the outcome was negative and i was depressed at the time, in general i think my life is better as a result of it.
in the summer of '99, i took my GCSEs. being the over-confident person i was, i thought i'd breeze through them. come exam time, and i sat through the exams thinking "oh shit. i've made a big mistake." come results day, and rather than the 5 c's i needed for a-levels, i had 2 b's, 6 d's, and an e (for art. woo yay. thats really hampered me in the IT industry). i took these to college, where i spent a year doing four more gcses. due to a few college errors, i added one more b, another d, and 2 more e's. still not enough for a-levels, but enough for a Btec National Diploma in Digital Communications and Networking. i met someone there who knew someone who knew Princess Leia. i've never looked back. anyway, the problem with the Digicomms course was that it was all telecomms, no networking, and i'm a networking person. so i did a new course the year after that and had the time of my life, the group i was with were the best group of lads ever.
having finished that, i worked a few more months full time at my (until then) part-time job - WH Smiths, at a london airport. finally in january this year, i got a chance to get an IT job, which i now have.
i could not be much happier.
ok, i don't have any friends from school. i don't have a-levels which would've led to a degree which i'd be finishing around now. i am effectively uneducated, and hoping to survive the world with what i consider to be a better thing than education: experience. what i also have is the best girlfriend anyone could ever have. she's gorgeous (although doesn't think so. bonus? she's not modest and "ooh, i'm soo fuckin' gorgeous i could get anyone". she could though), funny, and clever. she thinks of other people a lot. the best thing of all is that she's mine. to be honest, i don't think that an ugly, lanky, uneducated, lazyarse deserves her. but to be honest i'm not complaining.
so i guess what i'm saying is that hindsight is a wonderful thing. but things must happen for a reason. which is why i'm hoping i learn from my mistakes, become invaluable, and get a pay rise 'cos my pay is fuckin' peanuts, man.
email me please to make me feel wanted, even if its only to say "word up mother fucker, you're full of shit mate, shut up." and make other people look at my diary so i look popular.
also, our christmas party has been changed AGAIN. weekend in... DUBLIN! my employers are paying for flights, accommodation and meal for all the staff & partners! badass.
look after yourselves, and each other.
